Seize Me Sweetheart

I saw a postcard on the post secret update that had my exact same secret. I wonder if anyone would ever guess; I secretly hope someone does so they will say something and I can confess.

I read the missed connections on craigslist for austin, in hopes that someone will write one about me because they think I am beautiful enough to take the time to do that. I get jealous of all the messages that remind me of people I once loved. The nostalgia is the thing that is killing me.

I wonder if I posted a personal ad that people would be interested in what I had to say if I didn't include a picture. A big part of me is insecure and a big part of me is confident. These are the times I need self-realization or consoling or motivation or something sweet.

If you actually took the time to read this trivial bullshit; say something. Sometimes I feel like the only one existing through all this - everything.

Good morning LJbabies. Do you like my new hair? S'ok if you don't, because I'm on the fence, myself.

Did I tell you guys about Les telling me we should be friends with benefits? Besides what a terrible idea that is, I decided it's a better thing if I just don't see him anymore. And Joshua has a new girlfriend, but I don't feel so bad, because I'm way cuter - duh, hopefully.

I'm taking a hiatus from myspace, because I have a feeling that it is secretly ruining my life. :[ I'm behind on my reading anyways. I think I have a part-time life at the library.

Love you. Love me.

good evening texasbabies,

does one of you know how to play golf? will you teach me? i want to be the next Tiger Woods. Ok, not really. But I'm determined to find something I can beat my brother at. :/

So my motives aren't pure. So what? You like it.

I want an Australian Shepard Puppy!

Awh.Awh.Awh.Awh.

A guy who is interested in me is about to move into an apartment and I'm tempted to ask if he just wants to get a two-bedroom and I'll cut half the rent. I talked to the owner of the bartending school and he says because I am such a cool gal, he'll let me take the classes and pay him AFTER he places me in a job; which I guess he rarely does (he said this). Uuuh - I guess being cute has its perks.

I'm dying my hair slightly darker, because my natural hair is darker then the extensions, and yadda yadda yah.

I can't wait to get this new job. I'm saving up for so many things and I have so many things to look forward to!

I'm thinking Christmas in the Caymensssssss. Yeeeee-yah.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. I rinsed my hair and now it's BLACK. Which is TOO dark. So, now I have to go out and buy more hair-dye, but it's too late for me to go out and I'm short three'ish dollars on the hair dye and I won't be able to go into work tomorrow with this creepy looking hair. Ahh :[

I dyed my hair a brilliant chetsnut, and I got hair extensions. But the hair extensions are darker than my natural hair so I have to dye it like 3 shades darker. But now I have super long pretty hair. I'm just going to wear it up until I can get it all dyed to match. hm hm hm!

and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried.

and i took a deep breath.

and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried. and again i cried.

still.

This is going to sound totally crazy. But - I was thinking about spending a few weeks abroad (the United States) studying in a Zen monastery. I was told a few things about a couple places in California, etc etc etc.

I'm going car shopping this weekend. I'm debating saving my temp check for my bartending classes bill or to spend a little lavishly on myself. Since I sent out a hundred resumes, I figure I could just spend the money on myself and wait until I get a fulltime job to foot the bill for the classes.

Also looking into volunteer travel study. Craziness.

I got my key tattoo retouched today. I still don't like the way it's turning out. So, i drew up a curly q with a bow (Hello Kitty style) that he is going to tattoo through and around the key to add some more detail. I drew up the lock tattoo, but I don't quite like it.

Matt is paying me twelve dollars an hour tomorrow to stuff envelopes. That's money for another tattoo (even though I know the guy won't charge me - ha ha ha ha!)

I'm looking into platinum blonde and black extensions. I applied for five thousand jobs. I went into two places today. I have a lunch date tomorrow. I'm jumping all over the page here.

I want a beauty mark tattoo - but at the same time - I don't. Maybe I'll get my eyeliner tattoo'd on. ;O

So, I started my period today; and it makes me SO sick that I can barely stand. It's painful. Anyways - I finally walk downstairs and I start unscrewing the Aspirin bottle and Josh (my mom's... whatever) comes up and smacks his hands together right next to my ear and says "Got a hangover?"

Not only would that be rude if I DID have a hangover, which I don't, but it was obnoxious anyways. I just said "no..." and he repeats it back to me - as if he didn't understand my response. Ok.

Ways "No" Could be Interpreted to the Situation.
1) No - I don't have a hangover.
2) .... Your guess is as good as mine.

It drives me crazy - HE drives me crazy.

omgz. hot.



and if you're curious. here's a bad picture of the new tattoo.



A lot. A lot. A lot has happened. So, I guess I'll just have to make a list to sum it all up.

+ Nice date
- Parents hate my date :/
+ New (FREE) tattoo
+ New piercing
- Hit on another gay guy v_v
- Babysitting
+ Graduation Party = $$$$$$$
+ New Bookstore
- Missed the Postsecret signing
+ Water park / Sea World
- Room is a disaster again
- Not talking to mother
+ Brother teaching me to drive stick
- Lip is still kinda swollen


ANYWAYS. My pink hair faded so fast v_v. I ight not redye it. But remember I love you.

So, I ran into some money and I was really itching for a new tattoo; and I mean - I wanted one BAD.

So, I head up to the place where I got my old tattoo and the guy is getting ready to leave - same guy who had been sweet on me before. But he finds out it's ME getting the tattoo and not my sister; so he sticks around.

My sister goes around the corner and gets a better deal, so we both get tattoo'd at the same time in different shops.

She goes to a different place and I pick out one of his sketches that he just got done drawing - he actually ERASES it and says that nobody else could ever have it - it was mine forever. Nice; eh?

It only takes ten minutes and I'm totally fine. But after he's done, he shakes my hand and says "this one's on the house." OH YES, ON THE HOUSE. (My sister pee'd her pants because Custom Tattoos charged her $65 for her tattoo - ha ha ha.)

Well, anyways. I didn't know what to say, so I got his number. And he said to come back for all my tattoo needs) So, I'm thinking I'm gonna go back soon to get a matching one on the other side.)

I went and got a new bathing suit today. I always end up with a new one when Shlitterbahn season rolls around. I also think I'm going to Sea World and tubing in New Braunfels.

Today was the first real day with my niece and nephew. I didn't sleep at all last night. I walked out of my room at 7:30am and my nephew was up so we got in the car and got donuts. I also had to run across town for coffee, give the two-three year old niece a bath, shop, and then I got some leisure time at the pool; to scope out the new lifeguard hotties - keep in mind I still haven't slept at this point.

It turns into 5pm and I finally just crash - but people keep coming in to talk to me. I wake up at like 12:45am. hahahaha. I think I slept the day away. But when I go downstairs - the fridge is stocked. So, it's not that bad.

My brother got me a new hello kitty snowglobe watch that lights up. It's really cute. You guys, I'm really tired. I've reread my whole book collection in like three days. I really hope I get some grad. money so I can go to Half Price Books or something. :[

My sister calls at 2am to let me know that she doesn't know how to make it all the way in. She's about 2 1/2 hours away, so I offer to drive an hour and meet her and then I'll drive her in my car and my mum can drive her car with the kids in it; so she can have a break.

I actually get up and get seriously ready like I'm going out on a date or something. You have to have your priorities in order, girls.

Well, 3am and we finally meet up (hello coffee) and venture another HOUR back. It's 4 something now. Almost five. I'm no longer tired.

Least to say - I didn't get anything done today. No wait - I dyed my hair, you guys!



Seth is the only one still up and everything he's saying doesn't make sense, so I'm gonna smoke a cigarette and head to bed with a book.

I just want you guys to know how cute I am now.

Hella cute. I worked out the dye s the hair coloring is a baby / pastel pink; I don't think my mum likes it.




I spent all morning stuffing envelopes and stapling papers, but Eric paid me in movie gift certificates; so I hope there's a good movie out that I can go see.

Seth doesn't come home till Sunday. My sister comes in tomorrow. My party is on Sunday. By classes start mid-June. I didn't go see Les - things are perking up without.

I won a dollar scratch off today. Later I'll organize my books; atm I'm reading "Where No Gods Came." Pretty darn good. Also; I want another tattoo. Ahh - addicting. Any suggestions, people?

You guuuyssss. I don't feel very good today. Seth called and asked what I was doing and I said I was thinking about going over to see Les; because I certainly needed an answer for a hundred things. And once in a while I get the urge to see him and usually it helps me get over things better - well... SOMETIMES!

But Seth was just like "You know you're going to call me later or tomorrow and be all depressed about it?" BUT THAT IS NOT ALWAYS TRUE. Seth just likes to stretch the truth. So, I'm trying to figure out every possible reason for going to San Marcos, but - I have none.

Thursdays are horrible days.

----->
Would you guys still be my friend if I started dressing like that?

I'm not sure if I want to dye my hair pink or not, because I don't want to look like a douchebag. Anyways, I'm blonde now. Life is alright. I have a lot to do.

Sometimes lots of things make me realize how much I love Seth; not only because we rock.

I like this whole avatar thing, because I can always make it look like what I look like whenever I feel like it.

Alright, bitches. I'm going to get hair bleach now; and ONE HUNDRED HANGERS - for all these fucking clothes. I'm officially out of closet space. I counted all the things I don't have hangers for and ended up at 70-something, not including the pile of clothes sitting in the hamper in my bathroom - which is freshly cleaned btw.

The Bartending School Manager Guy Person called me today, and I totally have a plan to pay for all the classes - so - wish me luck.

I drank a bunch of RC cola and ate a bunch of pizza rolls, and now my stomach hurts - but I should get a lot of cleaning done today after I get more hangers / hair dye. I hope the bleached hair doesn't look like shit because I know certain parts are going to be blonder than other parts and I could be a mutt-ly mess. :[

You guys. It's seven am here. And I still can't sleep.

Whats wrong with me?

Also: I'm hungry.

I was going to buy hair bleach today but I have to buy more hangers, because life sucks like that; but I think I have a solution. MAYBE.

;;;;yawn.

My eyelashes are all clumped together. This warrants a shower.

Also. This is what I look like atm.

So, I couldn't sleep until I'd gotten all the playlists downloaded for the soundtracks I want. I've been browsing tealeaf_sales shop / journal lately. And I seriously LOVE all of it; ALL OF IT. I couldn't even pick out what I wanted to buy. But I found the cutest earrings ever.



What do you guys think?
Which ones do you guys like?

So, a picture tale of camping. I don't have the photos of being on the boat yet, because Mary has to email them to me.

We got to the campsite and made some burgers and I made a crown of daisies for my sweet wind blown hair-do. haha.



( More Adventuring ala Pee-Wee Herman Style )